Handling hostile threads
This page is for advocates who end up in a discussion that turns sour: mockery, insults, bad-faith arguments, pile-ons. Your goal is not to win. It is to leave one calm, accurate answer that readers can trust, protect people from harm, and step away before the thread hurts you or the project.
Contents
- First, breathe
- Is it criticism or hostility?
- The decision table
- Phrases that calm things down
- Never do this
- After the thread
First, breathe
- Wait at least ten minutes before replying to anything that made you angry.
- Read your draft as if a stranger wrote it. Would it make Exponential look good?
- Ask yourself: "Who am I writing for?" The answer is the silent readers, not the attacker.
Is it criticism or hostility?
| Criticism | Hostility |
|---|---|
| About the software, the process, the docs | About people |
| Has a point you can check | Has no point, or moves the goalposts |
| Wants an answer | Wants a reaction |
| Often right in part | Rarely ends |
Criticism is a gift: answer it, thank the person, and fix what is wrong (Responding in public). Hostility needs a different approach.
The decision table
| Situation | Do |
|---|---|
| A wrong fact, stated rudely | Correct the fact once, with a source, without matching the tone |
| A true complaint, stated rudely | Acknowledge the true part; point to where it can be reported or fixed |
| Mockery with no question | Do not reply, or reply once with a link for readers |
| Repeated attacks after your answer | Stop replying |
| Insults to a person (you or another) | Do not reply in kind; report to the channel's moderators |
| Personal data, threats, harassment | Report to the moderators or the platform immediately; do not engage |
| A security issue posted publicly | Ask the poster to remove details and send them privately (Security reports stay private) |
| Someone claims you speak for 7x or the Foundation | Clarify once: "I'm a volunteer; I speak for myself." |
Phrases that calm things down
"I see why that frustrated you. Here is what the documentation says: <fact> (<link>)."
"You're right that <true part>. The place to report it is <tracker link>; that's how it gets fixed."
"I don't think we'll agree, and that's fine. The sources are here if anyone wants to check: <link>."
"I'll leave it here. Thanks for the discussion."Never do this
- Insult, mock or use sarcasm, even when provoked.
- Attack another product, its company or its users.
- Ask friends to pile on ("brigading").
- Reveal anything about the other person: their employer, location, real name, or old posts.
- Make claims you cannot source to "win" (Claims you must not make).
- Argue in a channel that is not about Exponential: do not hijack other communities' threads.
- Continue in private messages if the person did not ask you to.
After the thread
- Note any true criticism and turn it into something useful: an issue, a help page fix, a forum question.
- If you made a mistake, correct it publicly (Claims you must not make).
- Talk to another advocate if it affected you. Volunteering should not hurt.
- If a pattern repeats (the same accusation in many places), write a calm FAQ post or improve the help page that answers it, and link to it next time.
Related pages
- Responding in public
- Advocate conduct and ethics
- Answering objections as an advocate
- Free documentation: this page is free to copy, translate and improve under the GNU FDL 1.3.
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